You sit across from someone at a dimly lit restaurant. They smile, order the ribeye, laugh at your jokes, and check their phone under the table. You think the date is going great.
Honestly, they might just be hungry.
A recent study by financial services company J.G. Wentworth surveyed 1,538 U.S. adults about the intersection of dating and money. The results are brutal. Nearly 40% of Americans—39.9% to be exact—admit they’ve gone on a first date solely for the free food. Another 27.5% say they haven't done it yet but would absolutely consider it.
This isn't just a quirky internet trend. It's a calculated survival strategy born from inflation, dating app fatigue, and a crumbling social contract. The phenomenon even has a name: the "foodie call."
If you're active in the modern dating market, you're no longer just competing with other singles. You're competing with a $93 grocery bill.
The Brutal Economics of Modern Dating
Dating is too expensive. The J.G. Wentworth data shows the average American spends $93 on a first date. They also expect their partner to spend roughly $92. When you match that with skyrocketing menu prices, a casual dinner for two easily clears $150 before you even factor in rideshares or babysitters.
Financial anxiety is dictating who we sleep with, who we talk to, and who we ghost. For 86% of singles, money worries have forced them to delay dating entirely at least once.
Look at these numbers from the survey:
- 29.5% have turned down a date because their bank account couldn't handle it.
- 87.3% have canceled a date at the last minute due to financial pressure.
- 48% of active daters say money stress actively kills their confidence when pursuing relationships.
When survival costs clash with romance, romance loses. For a significant portion of the population, matching with someone on an app isn't a quest for a soulmate. It's a ticket to a hot meal they don't have to budget for.
The Psychology Behind the Foodie Call
It's easy to look at the 40% statistic and feel cynical. You might think the dating world is filled with opportunistic freeloaders. But the reality is more nuanced.
Psychologists have actually studied this behavior. Research published in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science by researchers Brian Collisson, Jennifer Howell, and Trista Harig looked into what drives people to make foodie calls.
In their research, they found that individuals who frequently engage in foodie calls often score higher in "dark triad" personality traits. We're talking about subclinical narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy. These are people who naturally manipulate situations for personal gain and lack empathy for the person sitting across from them.
But personality isn't the only driver. The researchers found a strange paradox: people who make foodie calls also tend to hold highly traditional gender role beliefs.
They lean heavily into the old-school script that the person who extends the invitation—traditionally men in heterosexual dynamics—must foot the entire bill. By combining a traditional dating script with a modern sense of entitlement, it becomes incredibly easy for someone to justify using a suitor for a free plate of pasta.
A separate Intuit study backed this up, showing that roughly one in three Gen Z singles admit to going on dates primarily for a free meal. For a generation facing high rent and entry-level wages, dating apps have essentially become alternative food delivery services.
The Bill Etiquette Trap
Who pays? It’s the ultimate first-date landmine, and nobody knows how to step around it anymore.
According to the J.G. Wentworth data, our collective agreement on date etiquette has completely fractured:
- 27.9% say it depends entirely on the dynamic and comfort level.
- 25% think the person who suggested the specific activity should pay.
- 24.1% believe it should just be whoever offers their card first at the table.
- 9.3% say the person who asked for the date handles it.
Only 8.1% of people think the couple should split the bill down the middle on a first date.
Why is splitting so rare? Because we’re terrified of looking bad. An overwhelming 92.3% of singles admit they feel intensely uncomfortable suggesting a split bill on a first date. The primary reasons are a fear of seeming cheap (79%) or signaling that they aren't interested in the other person (79%).
So instead of communicating, we play chicken with the check. One person sits there hoping the other will pay, while the other pays just to avoid an awkward social interaction, completely unaware they just funded a foodie call.
How to Protect Your Wallet and Your Time
If you want to avoid being the target of a foodie call, you have to change how you date. The era of the grand first-date dinner is dead. It’s too high-stakes, too expensive, and leaves you completely exposed to financial exploitation.
Professional development and etiquette expert Jan Goss points out that modern dating has a major transparency problem. Relationships require trust, and showing up with a hidden agenda ruins the foundation before it even starts. If you don't want to be an opportunity instead of a human being, you need to change the venue.
Shift to Low-Stakes Environments
Stop taking strangers to high-end restaurants. The survey actually highlights a massive gap between expectation and reality here. While people worry about costs, the top three most popular first-date activities right now are actually incredibly cheap:
- Getting a drink at a bar (37.5%)
- Having a board game night (35.5%)
- Taking a walk in the park (8.2%)
Dinner dates and movies ranked below 5% in popularity. If you’re suggesting a steakhouse for a first match from Tinder, you’re doing it wrong. Keep it to coffee, a single drink, or a casual walk. If they decline a low-cost date in favor of an expensive dinner, you have your answer.
Be Radical With Budget Candor
If someone suggests an activity you can’t afford, say so. Saying "That's not in my budget this week, can we do coffee instead?" isn't embarrassing. It's adult communication.
The data shows that 85.7% of people have refused a second date because they didn't align financially with the other person. Filtering for financial compatibility early saves you weeks of wasted time and hundreds of dollars.
Always Expect to Pay for Yourself
Never leave the house without the funds to cover your own tab. If you show up expecting a free ride, you're contributing to the problem. Offering to split shouldn't be an awkward insult; it should be the baseline default for two independent adults meeting for the first time.
The modern dating market is broken, but you don't have to fund someone else's grocery budget while trying to fix it. Protect your bank account, keep the first date cheap, and save the nice dinners for someone who actually cares about your last name, not your credit limit.
